9 months later
by XxStephXx
Summary: After the prom Meredith transfers away from Seattle, she returns 9 months later to give birth to Derek's baby that he doesn't know about. So cute and fluffy.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It had been 8 months since she had set foot in that hospital. Since she had been transferred to Mercer Island, a few hours away from Seattle.

It was the morning after Prom night, Meredith had slept with Derek after that she knew he would go back to Addison. She couldn't stick around to watch that again, so she asked the chief for a transfer, and she got it. She had kept in touch with Christina, Issie and George. They all knew about the baby, and had kept quiet about it to Derek.

Oh yeah, Dr Shepherd got her pregnant.

She thought she would be able to get over him, if she didn't have to see him everyday. But then she found out she was pregnant, and she hadn't told him about it.

She thought about him everyday, she missed him all the time. Every morning when she woke up, every night when she went to sleep, she ached for him. She wished he was with her, by her side during her pregnancy of _their_ child. But he would never leave Addison and she should accept that. 8 months later and she still couldn't put him out of her mind. She still loved him and by this point she knew she always would. He was the one for her, but someone else was the one for him. How unfair was that?

Anyway back to the present, Meredith's water had broken. The baby was early, she might need a Caesarean, and Mercer didn't have the resources for a premature baby. She was being transported by helicopter to Seattle Grace, and she was dreading it.

As soon as the helicopter touched down, she knew it was no coincidence that she was at this hospital. Christina, Issie and Chief were the ones that were waiting, for her.

"Look at you!" exclaimed Issie when she saw Meredith's bump.

"I know," said Meredith laughing slightly. Her contractions were 20 minutes apart, it was going to be a long labour.

"Welcome back," said Richard.

"Thanks Richard, I think you had something to with that didn't you?" said Meredith.

"Well I couldn't let Ellis Gray's grandchild be born in Mercer. Not when we have the best medical team in the country here," said Richard.

"Owwwwwwwwww," cried Meredith, her contractions starting again.

"Right come on, Dr Shepherd is waiting," said Richard pushing Meredith on the trolley.

"No, no way," shouted Meredith, who had recovered slightly from her contraction.

"It's okay, it's Addison she's the specialist," said Issy, who didn't know the baby was Derek's only Christina knew.

"No, please I don't want to see them," begged Meredith.

"Don't be silly, you need to be in the best possible hands. Personal problems aside, you're a patient, you've been gone months it will all be forgotten," said Richard sounding as though he was talking to a child.

"But…but" started Meredith, but she knew it was useless to argue with Richard, she didn't have the energy anyway.

-------------------

AN HOUR LATER

"Okay, Meredith, let's check how dilated you are," said Addison entering Meredith's room.

"Not very far I'd guess about 4 centimetres, this baby doesn't seem to want to come out," said Meredith.

"Hmmmm you're right your only 4 centimetres, this will be a while," said Addison.

"I guessed," said Meredith.

"Okay, I'll be back in an hour to check on you again"

"Okay"

Addison left the room without another word. She had been completely profession, they hadn't spoken of anything except the birth. She didn't appear to even suspect the baby could be Derek's baby.

"How are you holding up? You know with her?" asked Christina as she came into Meredith's room.

"Fine, she's just getting on with it. Richard must have had a word, I'm just like any other patient. Have you seen Derek? Does he know I'm here?"

"No, McDreamy has no idea you're here, and nobody is going to tell them or they will have me to answer to"

"Thanks," smiled Meredith, gratefully. She couldn't see Derek, she couldn't handle it not yet. Not ever.

A few minutes after Christina left, Meredith realised how thirsty she was. She didn't want to bother the nurses, and she could use a walk. She climbed out of bed, and walked down the corridor towards the staff room, where she knew Issie always kept a six pack of diet coke.

"Owwwwww," gasped Meredith, just as she got to the door of the staff room. She clutched her stomach, it wasn't a contraction, it wasn't as painful, but a twinge from her movement.

"Excuse me, are you alright? Should you be out of bed?" she heard someone call to her. She immediately knew how it was. She would recognize his voice anywhere.

"Meredith!"

"Derek…. Dr Shepherd…" Meredith gasped, half out of shock, half from the twinges.

"What are you… you're…. Come on I'll take you back to your room. Which one is it?" said Derek pulling Meredith up and holding her up.

"310, I'm fine really I just wanted a diet coke. It's not a contraction, it's just a twinge," she babbled as she allowed him to take her back to her room.

He still had the same effect on her he had always had, she couldn't seem to think straight. He was just so, warm, comforting and gorgeous. He really did care, she knew that she had always known that he had cared. She had missed him so much, the way he smelled, his eyes, his voice and the gentle way he held her.

"Are you alright?" he asked her as he gently put her back into bed.

"I'm fine now," said Meredith, deliberately not looking at him. If she looked into those concerned eyes, she would melt, she would tell him it was his baby, that she loved him and wanted him to be by her side.

"You're pregnant"

"Not for much longer"

"How long?"

"The baby is early," she wasn't lying, the baby was a few weeks early.

Derek's head hung, he assumed that it couldn't be his because the baby was early.

"Well good luck, I'll come back and see you when I finish. If you need anything, just…"

"Thank you," said Meredith.

"Okay, I guess I better go"

"Okay"

----------------------

"Oh god, is she telling McDreamy about Dreamy Junior?" said Christina to Burke as they were spying on Meredith as she spoke to Derek.

"So it is his?"

"Damn! You can't say anything, you have to promise me you won't say a word to anyone, she doesn't know. If you open your trap, no sex for a year," snapped Christina furious with herself for letting it slip.

"He doesn't know"

"No"

"But didn't you tell her about his and Addison's divorce?"

"No I tried, but she wouldn't let me tell her anything about him, she wanted a new start, a clean slate"

"That's not right"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Hey, how are you holding up?" Derek asked 6 hours after the first time he had saw her.

"Not well," said Meredith truthfully, she had been in labour almost 8 hours.

"Where's the father…." He asked.

"We aren't together any more, we haven't been for a while," said Meredith, still not being able to look him in the eye.

"Ah so he won't be here?"

"No"

"Sounds like a real gentleman," commented Derek. _'how dare anyone treat my Meredith like that. She deserves better than that, I wish it could be me…but she doesn't love me anymore, and I have only have myself to blame'_

"Alright, let's see if you're any further along," said Addison coming into Meredith's room almost knocking Derek to the ground.

"Okay, it has to be almost time," said Meredith, "Owwwwwwwwwww" she cried out as she got another contraction.

"Hey, it's okay you're doing great," said Derek at Meredith's side instantly. He held her hand and stroked her hair.

"Thanks," said Meredith, her heart aching for him even more now. He was so close and being so nice, when he thought it wasn't even his baby.

"It's okay, you must be exhausted it's been what 8 hours…."

"Yeah"

"You're a hero," he said softly to her trying to comfort her.

"Dr Shepherd, you're needed in the ICU," said Addison.

"Thanks," said Derek disappointed, he just wanted to stay with Meredith and hold her, make sure she wasn't in any more pain than she had to be. "You can do this, you can. I'll come by and see you again before I get off"

"Why are you being so nice?" she asked.

"Because you need someone, and we're…friends right?"

"Right," said Meredith before another contraction came.

-----------------------

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER

"It happening, Meredith is due to gibe birth any minute," cried Issie excitedly to Burke, who was talking to Derek.

"That's great! Who's with her?" asked Derek.

"Christina and George, I gotta go too," she shouted as she ran towards the elevator.

"You know the father didn't even show up? How can a man just ignore the fact that he is about to become a father, some people," said Derek.

"I know, but sometimes they don't know they are about to have a baby," said Burke, remembering what Christina had told him.

"How could they not know? It's not as if Meredith just sleeps with anyone, he has to know. He's just a no good bastard that can't face his responsibilities," said Derek angry now.

"The baby is early, she's only about 8 months gone," Burke commented, trying to hint to Derek that he was the father.

"8 months, she told me it was early I just assumed….." said Derek with the thought that he might be the father finally dawning on him. "She would've told…wouldn't she?"

"Go, hurry up or you could miss the best moment of you life," said Burke, not caring what Christina did to him, he couldn't let Derek miss the birth of his first child.

Derek didn't need telling twice, she ran as fast as he could without knocking anyone down to the stairs and ran up them two at a time. By the time he reached Meredith's room he was gasping for breath. The baby hadn't been born yet, Meredith was screaming, tears rolling down her cheeks. Addison was going to be the one delivering the baby and was positioned to do so. Christina was next to Addison ready to help. Issie and George were at Meredith's side cheering her on.

"Thank god I'm not too late," he gasped.

"Dr. Shepherd it's family or in this case close friends only," said George.

"I'm the father," he said causing everyone in the room to stare at him.

"CHRISTINA!!!" Meredith screamed in agony.

"I am gonna kill Burke," Christina muttered darkly.

"Is he…. Is he the father?" asked Issie.

"YES!!! NOW CAN WE GET BACK TO ME GIVING OWWWWWWW BIRTH!!!" Meredith screamed.

"I can see the head," Addison shouted

"Let me see!" said Derek.

They didn't talk anymore, they all encouraged Meredith and 20 minutes later she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Addison whisked him away, checked him over and handed him to Meredith.

"Oh wow, look at him. He's so small, tiny fingers and toes, and his hair," said Meredith, tears rolling down her cheeks, this time tears of happiness not pain.

"He's perfect, absolutely gorgeous," said Derek looking down on his son.

"It's certainly not hard to tell who the kid's father is," Christina commented dryly.

They just turned to look at her, as if they couldn't believe what she had just said.

"What?" she said.

"Come on guys, we've got rounds," said Issie, "We'll be back as soon as we can"

"Okay, thanks for being here," said Meredith, still unable to tear her eyes off her son.

"Of course," said George kissing the top of Meredith's head, causing Derek to get a bit jealous.

Christina, Issie, George and Addison all left the room, leaving Meredith, Derek and the baby all alone.

The baby was adorable, he had Derek's beautiful blue eyes and a mass of black hair, and Meredith's nose.

"You can't shout at me, I've just been in labour for 9 hours," said Meredith.

"I won't," said Derek softly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Baby boy Grey-Shepherd was now 7 hours old. Derek was standing at the window of the nursery watching his son sleep, still trying to take in what had happened. 24 hours ago, he didn't know where Meredith was, now they had a son together.

"How is he doing?" Meredith said quietly.

Derek turned his head and noticed that she was standing a few feet away from him, almost timidly as though she was afraid.

"Why don't you come and see for yourself?" he said kindly.

Meredith slowly shuffles towards the window.

"Are you alright? Do you need some painkillers or…" he asked.

"I just gave birth…excuse me if I'm not dancing up and down the halls," said Meredith.

"I didn't mean…."

"I know," said Meredith turning to look at the babies, "you know I could never tell the difference between babies before, and although he's only 7 hours old I'd know him anywhere."

"Because you're his mum," said Derek.

"Yeah I guess because I pushed him out, he's pretty memorable," laughed Meredith.

"He is. Shouldn't you be resting? You must be exhausted," said Derek.

"I am and I have been resting, I'm just up," said Meredith.

"Okay, but you have to take it easy"

"I know. I will"

They just stood there watching their son, for a few minutes not saying anything.

"You could have told me. I wouldn't have been mad. I wouldn't have wanted you to get rid of him. I wouldn't have pressured you to do anything you didn't want to do. I would have supported you, been there when you needed me to be."

"I didn't think your wife would be too happy. I didn't want to be the reason for you and Addison splitting up. I didn't want to break up a happy home," said Meredith.

"I don't have a wife," said Derek turning to look at Meredith, "We divorced 6 months ago, we separated the morning after the prom, the morning I found that you were gone. Our marriage was long dead, I just couldn't see it until we…"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I just…"

"I didn't know about you and Addison, but it was still less complicated to stay away. I didn't know I was pregnant until I had been gone almost 2 months…"

"You could still have told me, you could have called or…anything…something," said Derek, "Did you think I wouldn't want the baby, that I would force you…"

"No, no I didn't think you would force me to do anything," said Meredith and she did knew that he would never make her do anything she didn't want to, or that he thought she might regret. He had talked often enough about wanting a family, so she knew he wouldn't have wanted her to have an abortion.

"They why? Why didn't you tell me? Would you ever have told me?" he wasn't angry, he just needed to know.

"I don't know, I don't know why and I don't know if I would have ever told you," said Meredith it was slightly true, she hadn't thought about when she would tell him about the baby. But she hadn't told him because she couldn't stand the pain of knowing he would pick Addison again, and she would be left to raise the baby almost alone. He wouldn't have abandoned her but he would still be married to Addison and they would always have to be in her life because of the baby and she couldn't deal with that. Maybe it was selfish, but it was true. She didn't know where they stood now that Derek and Addison were divorced, she loved him she knew that, she knew she would probably always love him. But he had so much power over her, he could break her just by walking away.

"You should get back to bed. The nurse will be bringing him to be fed soon," said Derek numbly.

"Okay," said Meredith and she went back to her room.

"I still love you," he said quietly as he watched Meredith walk back to her room.

---------------------------

4 WEEKS LATER

Meredith walked back into Seattle Grace with Jack Grey Shepherd, sound asleep in his pram. She had to go and see Richard to sign some papers for her transfer back to Seattle. It made sense to transfer back, she had the house, and she didn't have anything to hide anymore. Jack should be close to Derek, and Meredith needed her friends close by.

Izzie and George had moved out of the house, after Jack was born.

Derek saw Jack 3 times a week, basically whenever he wasn't at the hospital. It was amazing how much they bonded in such a short time, he was brilliant with him. And Meredith couldn't find him any sexier if she tried, it was astounding how much it turned her on to see him with their son. It also didn't help that she hadn't had sex in 9 months.

She went into the elevator and got off on the surgical floor. She pushed the pram out the elevator and the first person she saw was George.

"Hey you two, what are you doing here?" he said.

"I came to see Richard about my transfer, and I thought it was time this little guy came to visit," said Meredith.

"Hey how is my favorite little guy?" George cooed into the pram.

"He's sound asleep. But I'm here too," said Meredith her arms stretched out for a hug.

"As if I could forget you," said George hugging her, "how have you been doing? You coping alright?"

"You came over last night, we're fine. I'm fine," said Meredith, touched by how concerned her was about them.

"Okay good, look I gotta go and do my rounds, but I'll come and see you later," said George having to dash away.

"Okay," said Meredith, pushing the pram.

"Hey, look who it is I haven't seen you in months," said Mark Sloan as he saw Meredith.

"Hey, I know I was in here for 4 days and you didn't come and visit," said Meredith, despite how much Derek hated Mark, she liked him he was a nice guy.

"I'm sorry, I was in San Francisco helping a rebuild a burn victim's face," said Mark.

"Awwwww you're Seattle's answer to Mother Theresa," teased Meredith.

"Aren't I just? Except I'm prettier," said Mark shooting her one of his gorgeous smiles, "and this must be the kid,"

"This is Jack," said Meredith.

"He's cute, definitely looks like his dad. He'll be a heartbreaker one day, and one hell of a surgeon," said Mark peering into the pram.

"Maybe he won't be a doctor," said Meredith.

"Are you kidding me? It's in his DNA," said Mark laughing softly, just then Jack woke up and started to whimper. "May I?"

"Sure," said Meredith, "remember to support his head"

"I'm a doctor," said Mark as he gently picked up Jack and quickly calmed him by rocking him gently in his arms.

"And where did you learn to do that? I just figured out how to do that 3 days ago," said Meredith surprised at how good he was with the baby.

"4 younger siblings, and 3 nieces, that's how I know," said Mark.

Meanwhile, Derek walked into the central area, where Mark and Meredith were. He immediately saw the man he hated, holding his son and laughing with the woman he loved. And he saw red.

"What is going on?" said Derek angrily when he was next to Meredith.

"Hi Derek, I was just introducing Mark to Jack," said Meredith, a little scared she had never seen Derek look so angry, his eyes were a lot darker than normal.

"Give me my son," he demanded.

"Derek…." Started Meredith.

"Come on, I was just…" said Mark.

"Give him to me"

"Okay, calm down," said Mark gently handing Derek Jack.

Derek didn't say another word, he just stormed off with Jack in his arms.

"I'm sorry about that," said Meredith feeling terrible.

"It's alright, I took someone he loved before he's just terrified that I take someone else," said Mark.

"Still. I'm sorry," she said then she went after Derek, leaving the pram in the staff room on her way.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded, slamming the door of the on-call room behind her.

"Why was he holding Jack?" said Derek gently rocking Jack in his arms.

If Meredith wasn't so mad at him, she would have found it undeniably sexy, which she sort of did. He was so hot when he was mad, almost as if he could just fling her up against the nearest wall and….

"He asked if he could hold him, he was being nice," snapped Meredith.

"He's not nice, I don't want him holding Jack," said Derek.

"I'm sorry, am I supposed to call and ask for your permission every time someone wants to hold him."

"If you have to"

"And how could I do that, you're never around," said Meredith angrily and as soon as she saw the look on his face she regretted it. She had hurt him.

"I'll always be around when you or Jack needs me to be," he said staring intently at Meredith, stepping so close that the only thing that stopped them from touching was Jack between them.

"So you say now. But eventually you won't be around as much."

"What do mean? Do you think I'll just lose interest in a few months?" said Derek angrily.

"No, of course not. But eventually you'll get a new girlfriend and remarry and you won't have as much free time," said Meredith, saying what had been rolling around her head for weeks now.

"I'll be there for Jack, he's my son"

"And you'll have other children…"

"What are you saying? You don't want me to be around Jack in case sometime in the future I have other kids," said Derek getting confused.

"No I have never stopped you seeing him and I never will."

"Good. Then what is this about?"

"You being so rude to Mark."

"He slept with my wife, he was meant to be my best friend. But that is not what this is really about, so what is bugging you?"

She hated how he knew her so well.

"It's nothing."

"It's obviously something"

"It's just that when you start to date again, you won't have as much time for him anymore and that is okay. You just have to know that, you won't always be there for the small stuff like who holds him."

"I will be, I won't be one of those fathers"

"Not intentionally, but it is inevitable"

"What? That I will date, get married and have more children, yeah I probably will. But so will you," said Derek.

"Why does that matter?"

"Why does that matter? He could end up calling some other guy Daddy"

"That won't happen, I can't even think about dating again. I've just had a baby, I'm halfway through my internship, I don't have time for dating. Anyway it's your name on his birth certificate and your relationships will affect him a lot more than mine," said Meredith.

"How do you figure that?"

"I have to be careful, I'll always be around, I have to be. I won't take bringing anyone into his life lightly…."

"Neither would I."

"No but it's different with you"

"How?"

"It just is"

"I think about dating all time," said Derek.

"Good for you, I'm sure you'll meet someone great," said Meredith coldly, more jealous than she had ever been.

"Not, me dating. You dating… I don't like that thought," he said and before Meredith knew what she was doing she had leaned in when he had and was kissing him.

They only pulled away when Jack started to whimper for his lunch.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

It was nearly 2 weeks since Meredith and Derek had kissed, and she had been avoiding him like the plague. He wanted to talk about it she knew that, but she always found a reason not to be in room alone with him.

It was the day of her 6 weeks check up at the hospital with Addison. Jack had had his yesterday and he was fine thank god. Hopefully she wouldn't run into Derek, he had been at Jack's but there was no reason why he should be with her for hers.

She couldn't stop thinking about that kiss, it was amazing. He was such a good kisser, if it hadn't been for Jack and the fact that she had not long given birth, she would have thrown him onto that bed and had her wicked way with him. He was just so…wow, and he was so sweet and thoughtful and amazing. How had she managed to 8 months without him in her life, making her laugh and as horny as hell.

"Okay, Meredith you ready?" said Addison coming out of her consult room.

"Yeah," said Meredith getting up and following Addison into the room.

Twenty minutes later they were finished, as usual Addison was a total professional not mentioning Derek or that he was the father. As she walked out of the room the first thing she saw was Derek leaning against the opposite wall, looking undeniably yummy and tempting. Especially since Addison just told her that it was alright for her to have sex again.

"Hey," he said in that sexy voice he had.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Don't you have surgery?" said Meredith, hoping that he did have to dash off because she wasn't sure she could trust herself around him.

"I came to make sure your check up went alright, and no I don't have another surgery for a few hours. I need to talk to you about something anyway," said Derek.

"Okay. Thanks Addison," said Meredith.

"No problem, if you have any problems or questions just call, you have my number," said Addison coldly before going back into the consult room.

"So how did it go?" asked Derek, walking with Meredith to the elevator.

"Fine, everything is fine. It has all sprung back," said Meredith.

"That's one way of putting it," said Derek chuckling.

"Uh yeah," said Meredith stopping at the Elevator, "Hadn't you better get back up to surgical?" desperate to avoid being alone with him.

"Nice try, you know I want to talk to you. After you," he said extending his arm into the elevator.

"Thanks," smirked Meredith, knowing she couldn't get out of it and not really wanting to.

They went down a few floors when Derek pulled the stop button, and the elevator halted.

"What the hell are you doing? This is a hospital, sick people need to use this elevator," said Meredith, trying to avoid looking at Derek who was staring at her, like he wanted to rip her clothes off there and then.

"They can use the 7 other elevators, hopefully this won't take long," said Derek turning to face Meredith, so he was standing right in front of her.

"Now I'm sure you know what I want to talk about"

"Emmmmm no is it Jack?" said Meredith deciding to play dumb.

"No, you know what I mean." smirked Derek, "Let me refresh your memory. It was two weeks ago, in the on call room, we were fighting and then we……."

Before he could finish Meredith had slid her arms around his neck, pulling him to her and kissing him with all the built up passion she had been feeling since the moment she had laid eyes on him. Then she pulled away hesitant, but he wasn't about to let it go that easily.

------------------------------------

MEREDITH'S POV

He kisses me. I kiss him back, after aching for his kiss for so long, it was heaven. Strong and Engulfing. Making me weak at the knees, but then he always did have that effect on me.

I'm boiling over with desire and anticipation. I throw my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, never wanting it to end.

Suddenly Derek flings me up against the nearest wall, barely pausing long enough to make sure I was alright, that it didn't hurt me, even in the heat of the moment he was thinking of her.

His lips mesh into mine and we're kissing so hard, I can't tell them apart. I slip my hands up his shirt feeling his strong chest. He lifts up my skirt and removes my underwear in one swift movement (thank god I wore the nice panties, black French lace). I start to unbutton his trousers, but he pushes my eager hands aside, and does it himself. I love how he takes control, but all the while keeping one eye on me for any sign of discomfort, pain or that I'm not sure. In my head I know I shouldn't be doing this, but in my heart I know I can't stop it, it's been too long.

I kiss him again, more intensely, I'm running my hands through his gorgeous, soft hair.

He lifts me off my feet, so that we're perfectly in line with each other, his hands on my back, steadying me for his withdrawal.

Then he sinks into me. I stare into his eyes and he stares back. Never losing me, not for a second.

It feels amazing. It feels important. It feels right.

He's climbing, he's filling, he plugging. He completes me.

I can't help it, I let out a cry of pleasure and then I feel his hot release inside of me.

Then it's over.

But I know that when it comes to Derek, it will never be over. Because he is my soul mate, my other half, and the one true love of my life. My McDreamy.

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The elevator suddenly lurched into life. Meredith jumped down, grabbed her panties off the floor and shoved them in her bag, while Derek did up his trousers and straightened out his clothes.

Meredith was flattening her hair, when the elevator opened on the surgical floor. There standing at the door was Izzie, Christina, George and Addison.

"I should have known," said Christina, rolling her eyes at them.

"Known what?" said Meredith.

"Trapped on an elevator? You two….shame there aren't any cameras in there," Izzie said.

"Alright that's enough. Derek you're needed, we have a patient with a serious head injury, you need to examine him," snapped Addison.

"Oh right okay. I better go, I finish at 5. I'll come by and give Jack his bath, okay?" said Derek to Meredith.

"I bet that's not all he gives…" muttered Christina.

Meredith snuck a look at Derek, he was just standing there with a huge grin on his face. Could he make it any more obvious.

"Okay, I'll see you later," said Meredith.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Mere…. You here," Derek called out as he entered the house, he was there to give Jack his bath like he had told Meredith earlier.

"In here," she called out, she was in the living sticking a piece of paper into a scrapbook. She was sitting cross legged on the sofa while Jack lay in his bouncy chair.

"What's that?" he said sitting down next to her.

"Jack's baby book, I was just putting his results from yesterday's check up in," she said.

"You have a baby book? Can I see it?" he said, he had never seen the baby book.

"Yeah sure," she said handing the book to him.

It was full of everything he had missed. Sonogram pictures, the date of the first time he kicked, Brackston hicks, Meredith had recorded everything. But what he was most pleased to see on the first page was under the heading Daddy was his name. She had wrote that all those months ago and there was a picture of him. He recognized it immediately, it was taken a few weeks before Addison came back, Meredith was trying to use up the last of the pictures in her camera so she was taking pictures of him cooking them breakfast.

"It was just an old picture I had lying about," said Meredith, realising he had been staring at the picture.

"Yeah, I was just remembering when it was taken," he said silently wondering if she stuck the picture in when she got back or if she had taken it with her.

"Yeah, you were cooking….then we danced in the kitchen and I found out exactly why you don't dance in public," laughed Meredith.

"Yeah it was fun," said Derek wishing they could one day have that again.

"Hmmmm," said Meredith wondering the same thing.

"Anyway I better give this little guy is bath, otherwise he'll be up too late and get grumpy," said Derek, lifting Jack up from his bouncy chair. "I missed you today, but don't worry Mommy made me feel a whole lot better," said Derek to Jack with a tiny smirk on his face.

"Right, you know where all the things are," said Meredith ignoring his comment, but couldn't help the small smile on her face.

"Yeah, I do" said Derek carrying Jack upstairs.

---------------------------------------------------

About an hour later, Derek was putting Jack to bed. Meredith was in her room standing in front of the mirror, in her underwear preening.

"Okay that's him….what are you doing?" said Derek leaning against the doorframe watching Meredith appreciatively.

"Oh god….sorry," gasped Meredith grabbing her robe and pulling it on.

"Don't be, cause I'm sure as hell not. I enjoy seeing you in your underwear," teased Derek.

"Shut up. I thought it would take Jack longer to go down," mumbled Meredith absolutely mortified.

"Now, not that I'm complaining but what were you doing?"

"Nothing… I was just making sure, you know….it's nothing to do with you what I was doing, this is my room" said Meredith using anger to cover up her embarrassment.

"You were checking childbirth hadn't turned your body into a middle aged wreck," he said knowingly.

Meredith just looked down at the carpet, why did he have to know her so damn well?

"You don't need to worry," he said walking over to her, spinning her round to face the mirror. He stood behind her, looking at her reflection in the mirror. "You're gorgeous and your body is even more amazing than it was before, and I didn't even think that was possible," he said.

"You don't have to…" she said but trailed off.

He rested his hand on her shoulder and then he slid her silk robe off her shoulder with his palm. Then he started to lightly kiss her shoulder, and then started on her neck.

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm," sighed Meredith happily.

"You really are beautiful you know. Don't worry about that," he said. He took the robe completely off her body. "I mean it. I do believe I have seen these before, and I enjoyed very much taking them off earlier," he said brushing his finger along the waistband of her panties.

"Care to relive that," said Meredith, not caring that it was probably a bad idea. His hands and lips were all over her, she never could resist him and she really didn't want to.

"I certainly don't need to be asked twice," he said hooking his finger in the panties………

-----------------------------------

AFTER……..

Meredith was down in the kitchen standing at the kitchen sink, staring out the window. She heard Derek coming down the stairs, after they had had sex he had fallen asleep. She had been in the kitchen for about 10 minutes.

"What are you doing down here?" he asked standing behind her.

"I just came down for a drink, and I need to make some more bottles for Jack I only have a few left in the fridge," said Meredith.

"We're going to have to talk about this now you know," he said spinning Meredith round to face him, "You can't keep ignoring this any longer"

"I know and we will talk. Why don't you go back upstairs and I'll come up in a little while, I need to think. You must be exhausted you worked a full shift," she said.

"Alright, but don't be too long," he said kissing her forehead.

"I won't"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

After about an hour, Meredith went up to her room. The only light was the bedside lamp, Derek was lying in the bed. She assumed he was asleep, she turned the lamp off and curled up in bed with him.

"I thought we were going to talk," he mumbled into the dark.

"I thought you were asleep," said Meredith.

"I was"

"Then go back to sleep, it can wait till the morning," she said softly.

"No it can't," said Derek, sitting up and turning the lamp on again, "this has been driving me insane for weeks now"

"I'm sorry," said Meredith.

"It's alright, you don't have to apologise. I know that this is more my fault than it is yours. I was the one that hurt you, I went back to Addison and then…. But that is all in the past and I hope you know that."

"I do"

"I can't ignore how I feel about you, and I don't want to try. And I know you still feel something for me, but the question is what do you want to do about it?"

"I don't know. It's different now than it used to be, we have Jack and…."

"I know, I know it's different and it's scary but don't you think we owe it to our son to at least try one last time to be together, to give him the chance of growing up with a normal family. Please one last chance that is all I'm asking," he said tilting her chin so she looked him straight in the eye and saw how serious he was.

"Alright," said Meredith slowly.

"Alright? Did you say alright?"

"Yeah," said Meredith, "But there are a few conditions"

"Name them"

"We just keep this between the two of us, I don't want anyone else to know….yet," said Meredith.

"What? Why?"

"It's just too much pressure, everyone will be watching and waiting to see if it will work out. And we haven't been together properly in so long, this could be a huge mistake and the less people that know about it the less painful it will be," said Meredith, noticing that Derek was suddenly looking devastated and looking away from her. "What's wrong?"

"You make it sound as though you already know it won't work. Like you don't want it to work," he said sadly, "and there is no point if you…."

"If I what? I don't know if it will work, I hope it does, I want to be with you more than anything. But it's not just about what we want anymore, we have to be sure…."

"But…"

"No buts, I love you and I want to give this a real try, but I don't want everyone to be watching us. I want it to be just us for a while. Please say you understand!"

"I don't understand, I love you, I want to shout it from the rooftop, I don't care who knows," said Derek.

"I love you too," said Meredith who could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, "it wouldn't be forever, just until we both feel sure"

Derek looked over at her, reached out and wiped her tears away with his thumb.

"Don't cry, please not over me, I've caused you enough pain and if you need a few weeks or months to trust me not to hurt you again then fine. But I swear I'm not going to give you any reason to walk away ever again,"

"Does that mean, you're okay with it? I mean being a secret for now," she asked.

"Yes, I don't care how we do it…I just want you back," he said.

"I love you sooo much," she squealed excitedly launching herself into his arms.

-------------------------------

It was around 4am Meredith and Derek were lying in each other arms sound asleep, when Jack's screams woke them up.

"Huh What!!!!," said Derek sitting up startled, looking round.

"I'll get it," said Meredith tiredly as she rolled out of bed, and stumbling towards Jack's room.

A few minutes later Derek managed to stumble down to the kitchen, where Meredith was rocking Jack and heating up a bottle.

"And what exactly is going on here?" he asked.

"Oh hey, go back to bed it's just his night time feed," said Meredith.

"I didn't know he got up in the night," said Derek.

"He's a baby, they all get up in the night for the first few months a least," said Meredith laughing softly.

"Oh right sorry. Give him here, I'll do it," he said stretching his arms out for the baby.

"It's alright, you've got work tomorrow I'm still on my baby vacation," she said.

"Actually I'm off tomorrow and after my shift on Saturday I get my own baby vacation, a few weeks late but still," he said lifting Jack out of Meredith's arms.

"A baby vacation? Hate to break it to you, but you can't give birth," said Meredith.

"Paternity leave, although I don't get the 12 weeks off you do…."

"I was in labour for 9 hours after 8 months of carrying him in my uterus. I deserve 12 weeks off."

"I know," chuckled Derek, "if it was up to me, you would never work again, but I know I could never convince you."

"No you couldn't. So how long do you get off?"

"2 weeks. Now you go back up to bed, I'll take care of him," said Derek pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Okay, I'm certainly not going to argue," said Meredith.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Derek couldn't keep the smile off his face, he and Meredith had been together for 6 weeks now. It was even more amazing that they had before, because now they had Jack, they were a family. It was Meredith's first day back at work.

They had finally found a nanny for Jack, after weeks if searching. Neither of them had really wanted to leave him, but with their schedules they had no choice.

He looked down his schedule and couldn't suppress a smile, when he saw he was with Meredith today.

"What's the smile on your face for?" snapped Bailey.

"What? Can't I just be happy? It's a lovely day, I have a job I love, a gorgeous son and…." said Derek.

"He got laid, I know the signs," said Mark.

Derek and Mark had started to talk, and were slowly starting to fix their friendship.

"I'm right, aren't I?" he smirked.

"That is absolutely none of your business," said Derek, the smile still on his face.

"Oh yeah he definitely did," said Mark, "but the question is who? Could it be certain intern, with dirty blonde hair and an ass…."

"Hey," snapped Derek.

"Ah I was right," said Mark so that just he and Derek could hear.

"Not a word," he said.

"Of course not, I am the sole of discretion," said Mark.

"And if you lay one hand on her….."

"I won't, besides I think that Izzie is more my type, feisty, a real challenge. Not to mention she would be a fireball in bed," said Mark looking over to where Izzie was checking the OR schedules.

"You're a sick, sick man," laughed Derek.

"All part of my charm," laughed Mark, "Oh look who it is. The reason you're still smiling"

Derek's head swung round and there was Meredith getting off the elevator, clearly flustered and looking a little emotional.

"Dr. Grey," said Mark.

"Dr. Sloan, Dr. Shepherd," said Meredith on her way to the locker room.

"Meredith, are you alright?" asked Derek, grabbing her arm before she could get past.

"No….Yes….I'll be fine in a few minutes," she said.

"What is it?" he said softly.

"It's nothing…"

"It's something."

"It's Jack."

"Why? What's wrong? Is he alright?" asked Derek automatically.

"Yeah, he's fine. I just hate to leave him, he's still so little and I've never had to leave him for so long," said Meredith, her eyes filling up.

"Oh come here," he said pulling Meredith into a hug, he pulled his arms around her, "it's alright, and I know it's not easy to leave him. But he'll be fine, and I'll call Therese (the nanny) as soon as I get a break, and take over as soon as I finish here," he said kissing her forehead.

"Okay, thank you. I know I'm being silly," said Meredith pulling away, "I better go or Bailey is gonna kill me."

"Okay, but if you need me at all, you know where I am," said Derek.

"Uh yeah thanks," said Meredith, looking sideways at Mark.

"Oh it's fine, go and screw in the on call room, my lips are sealed," said Mark barely looking up from the chart he was reading.

"That's nice, really," said Derek watching Meredith walk towards the locker room.

"You've got it bad," said Mark.

"I know," sighed Derek

"You love her?"

"Yeah. Can you keep a secret?"

"Sure"

"You know how I went to New York a few weeks ago for that surgery?"

"Yeah, so…." Said Mark.

"I went to Tiffany's and got a ring"

"For…."

"Yeah"

"Wow, I'm a little surprised I gotta say, I thought you'd wait a while before you…."

"So did I, but it just feels right. I don't want anyone else ever, she's the one," said Derek.

"How much?"

"$50,000"

"Whoa it is serious. Good luck I hope she says yes," said Mark.

"Me too, I just have to find the right time," said Derek.

----------------------------------------------

"Dr Shepherd, this is completely inappropriate," scolded Meredith, she had been working 17 hours and only had 3 hours of her shift left. Derek had just paged her to the on call room.

"Perhaps, but I have a serious problem I need your assistance with," he said slipping his arms round her waist and pulling her close to him.

"And what would that be?"

"I haven't kissed you in about 10 hours…." He said leaning in, but at the last second Meredith turned and made him kiss her cheek.

"Now, Dr Shepherd….."

"Dr, you make it sound so….dirty"

"I do not, and as I said that is not a serious problem."

"Well I think it is. How am I supposed to perform brain surgery when I feel unloved?" he said pouting at her.

"Oh don't, you I can't resist that…" said Meredith giving in and kissing Derek.

Right in the middle of their make out session Derek's pager went off. He pulled away and read it.

"I've gotta take that," he groaned.

"Duty calls," said Meredith.

"Yea it sucks," he said kissing her one last time.

"Oh and I love you, now you can go and perform brain surgery," she said as he was leaving.

"I love you too, I really do"

"Good, now go"

--------------------------------------------------

3 HOURS LATER

"Addison, what are you doing in here?" said Derek wearily, he was just out of surgery and exhausted.

"I just wanted to talk to you," said Addison.

"Right, okay sorry I'm just tired," he said, "sit down. What's up?"

"I uh just needed your opinion on something," said Addison almost nervously.

"What?" said Derek running his hands through his hair and leaning against the wall.

"Um…. This," said Addison unbuttoning her shirt.

"Add…."

"It's okay…." Said Addison unbuttoning the last of her buttons.

The first thought that came to his mind was that, Addison had found a lump on her breast.

"You know I've been think about what it was like when we first got together, it was exciting, hot and spontaneous," said Addison.

"Uh…"

"And now we're divorced it's not allowed, which makes it even hotter," said Addison leaning over and lightly kissing his jawline.

Derek's brain just seemed to be catching up with what was happening, just as he was about to push her away. He heard the door open, and a small gasp.

It was Meredith.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"Meredith, please let me explain," shouted Derek.

He had chased Meredith all the to the parking lot and then followed her car all the way to her house. She wouldn't answer her phone and was still ignoring him as she stormed up the driveway.

"Meredith," he said catching up with her and grabbing her arm, "let me explain"

"No I'm sick of your excuses. I don't care anymore, go back to your wife I'm done with you," she shouted pulling her arm away.

"Meredith, it wasn't what it looked like…."

"Of course it wasn't," she said sarcastically.

"Mer, please it wasn't. I love you, I don't want Addison she just…."

"She just appeared in her underwear, and threw herself at you," she shouted.

"Yes!!"

"Oh please, you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's the truth, I swear I love you so much, I wouldn't…"

"Who were we kidding? Who was I kidding? You don't change, I knew you would hurt me again. It's finished, over, I'm done," said Meredith more sadly now.

"No, don't say that, you can't…."

"I can and I have. Just forget anything ever happened between us again."

"I can't, I don't want to. Please if you'll just…"

"No, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, so just leave," said Meredith trying to be strong.

"But…."

"No buts. It's over between us. You can still see Jack of course you can, we can come up with some arrangement that will suit us both," said Meredith, not being able to look at him.

"What? Alternate weekends…."

"I don't know…. I'll come up with something, just not now. I'm tired and I hate you right now. So just leave, if it wasn't for Jack I would never see you ever again," said Meredith.

"Mer, don't…please"

"Go away," she said and she went inside, leaving him out on the porch heartbroken.

---------------------------------

Meredith waited until the nanny had left and Jack was asleep until she fell apart. She couldn't even make it downstairs, she just stumbled from Jack's room to her own. She collapsed onto her bed and cried herself to sleep.

She couldn't believe he had done it again. She was on her way to the on call room to tell him she was ready to tell everyone about them. She was finally feeling secure, that he wouldn't hurt her again and that they could live happily ever after. Then he had to go and cheat on her, and with Addison, he chose her again.

----------------------------------------------

The next morning around 9am, the doorbell rang. Meredith holding Jack went to the front door and saw Derek standing on the porch.

He looked as awful as Meredith, they had both been up all night crying (and it takes a lot of heartbreak to make a full grown man cry himself to sleep). His eyes were all puffy, his eyes had lost their sparkle, he was so sad it almost made Meredith want to forgive him and take him into her arms and tell him they would be okay. But it wasn't about just them anymore it was about their son.

"What do you want?" she said. Jack squealed at the sight of Derek, and clapped his little hands.

"I need to talk to you, Mer please just let me…."

"No, no way. I'm not listening to any more of your excuses, I told you I'm done," said Meredith trying to be stronger than she felt.

"Please, you can't just give up on us. I love you, I love you so much I can't…"

"Save it!" she snapped, "And go!!"

"Can't I at least see my son?" he asked desperate just to get her to thaw even just a little.

"Fine. I'm due at the hospital in an hour," she snapped.

"I'm not in till this afternoon, can I stay with him?"

"Okay fine, I'll call Therese," she said.

She handed Jack to Derek and as soon as her arm made contact with his skin, he looked deep into her eyes, and she made the mistake of looking back into his.

"Please, can't you at least hear me out, I'm begging you," he pleaded.

She looked into those gorgeous blue eyes, that were so sad and full of pain and she just wanted to cave.

"No, I can't. I can't do this anymore, I'm not strong enough," she said her eyes filling up.

"Don't…."

"I'm gonna go and get ready," she said turning away.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," said Derek cuddling his son into him, "I'm sorry."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"Addie, talk to her now," said Derek harshly.

It had been a week since Meredith had walked in on them. Derek had just explained everything to Addison, about how he and Meredith were seeing each other again, and now she wouldn't even look at him, never mind talk to him.

"Okay, I will as soon as I see her," said Addison, "I'm sorry, I didn't know"

"Yeah well, why did you even try anything in the first place I thought we got over this and could be friends," he asked her.

"So did I, but then Meredith shows up with the baby and I…don't know. I thought I could make it like it was when we first got together, the thrill, the excitement," said Addison truthfully, "I guess I'm not as over you as I though"

"Addie….." said Derek sadly, no matter what she had done, he didn't want to hurt her, or see her unhappy.

"It's alright, I get it. We're over, you love Meredith, you have a family now. And I'm going to help repair the damage I did, I promise," said Addison.

"Thank you. We're still friends though right? I still think of you as part of my family," said Derek.

"Yeah we're still friends. I'll go and look for Meredith right now," said Addison.

"Thank you," said Derek sincerely.

"It is the least I can do"

------------------------------------------------

"Dr. Grey, may I speak with you for a moment?" said Addison.

"Yes of course Dr Montgomery," said Meredith professionally.

Meredith followed Addison into an empty room. Meredith was dreading this, she knew she was going to tell her that she was seeing Derek again. Despite what everyone thought she wasn't fine, she wasn't strong, she wasn't handling 'the Derek and Addison' thing at all well. She missed him so much, especially at night. Jack missed him too, she could tell. Derek still saw Jack twice a week, but it wasn't the same, he wasn't there when he went to bed, when he had his nighttime feed or when he woke up in the morning.

"I wanted to talk to you about what you saw…" started Addison

"I really don't have to hear this really, you don't have to explain yourself to me. You and Dr. Shepherd are back together, that's fine….really," babbled Meredith just wanting to escape.

"He told me about you two," said Addison.

"Oh great, that's just great. Now you get the satisfaction of knowing that he chose you not only once but twice. So excuse me if I don't want to have a cosy chat about it," said Meredith heading for the door.

"He didn't choose me. He wants you," said Addison.

Meredith stopped in her tracks and spun round.

"No, he doesn't."

"Look that day was all my fault. He was in the on call room alone, exhausted from his shift and I….look it was me I thought he would want me now that we're not married anymore, I was wrong. He doesn't want me, he loves you."

"He doesn't, he just wants to because of the baby, but in his heart he still loves you," said Meredith sadly.

"He doesn't. Look I know him better than anyone, and he loves you he really does. He has been such a mess since I…."

"Since you threw yourself at him," Meredith shot at Addison, not caring that they were at work and she was her boss.

"Yes. I'm not proud of that, but I didn't know about the two of you, I just thought….I wanted to…. I was….."

"Horny?"

"Lonely," said Addison, "He loves you, he didn't do anything to encourage me. I think you already know that deep down, you're just too scared to face up to it"

Before Meredith could respond her pager went off.

"Don't do what I did. Don't let him slip through your fingers!" said Addison.

"I….I have to take this," mumbled Meredith as she ran out of the room

------------------------------

"Addie, wait up!" Derek shouted to Addison.

"What's up?" said Addison stopping to let him catch up with her.

"Did you talk to Meredith?"

"Yeah I talked to her"

"And….."

"She….I don't know, I think she knows nothing happened but….I really don't know," said Addison.

"Tell me what you think, I know you have an opinion you always do," said Derek.

"She's terrified, she was just starting to trust you and then I…. She doesn't trust you not to walk out and break up her family," said Addison dreading Derek's reaction.

"She thinks I would do anything to hurt Jack," raged Derek.

"I don't think she actually does, but you hurt her, you broke her, you tore her apart. She won't even risk anything like that happening again," said Addison, "I'm so sorry it's all my fault, it all comes back to me"

"Don't be silly Addie this is my fault," said Derek sadly.

"She loves you, she does. Just be there, show her…. She'll come round because she wants to," said Addison.

"I hope so"

----------------------------------

"Meredith," Derek said softly, he had finally tracked her down to the on call room, but it was dark he couldn't tell if she was sleeping.

"Yeah"

"I talked to Addison, she said she told you what had happened."

"She did"

"You know she's telling the truth?"

"Yeah I do"

"So where….what do we…"

"I don't think we should start anything again"

"Mer why? You know I didn't do anything, you should know I love you so much. I want you, I pick you, I love you. I want us to be a family, you, me and our son. Please don't tell me there isn't any hope I couldn't bear it. Say something please!" said Derek kneeling down next to Meredith.

"I love you"

"If you love me….."

"I have doubts though, I don't know that you won't leave again…in my head I know it's unlikely, but in my heart I still have this fear….I can't explain it"

"I think I get it," said Derek sadly.

"I'm sorry"

"It's alright, you don't have to sorry. It's not just us anymore. It was naive of us to think we could just go back to how we were…."

"I wish I didn't feel like this, I wish I could just….but it wouldn't be fair to force it"

"No it wouldn't," said Derek stroking her hair.

"I do love you, so much that this is hurting me more than you," said Meredith sitting up on the bed.

"I doubt that," said Derek sitting next to her, pulling his arm round her shoulder and letting her cry into his chest.

"I'm not giving up this time, no way. We are going to end up together, we will be that couple in the retirement home still at it like rabbits and visiting the grandchildren every weekend," said Derek.

Meredith just sobbed harder clinging onto his shirt.

"It's okay, don't cry. Come on I hate seeing you this way"

"S-sorry," she said pulling away from him.

"It's okay, you're just not ready I shouldn't have expected you to be…after what I did and Jack it's too much for you to cope with," said Derek lifting her chin so she had to look at him.

"I'm sorry"

"Stop apologizing I told you it's alright, we'll end up together anyway I know we will. This is just a break for now," he leaned it and gave her a soft lingering kiss.

"You'll always have me, you've had my heart since the first night in the bar and I don't want it back"

"You're not getting it back," Meredith whispered.

"I better go, you should go home and see Jack I'll pick him up in the morning," said Derek standing up.

"Okay," said Meredith quietly.

"I'm here whenever you want or need me"

"I know"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

It was 3 months since Meredith and Derek had decided to have a break. Jack was almost 7 months old now, he was crawling.

Meredith had just finished her shift, Derek had another 2 hours left of his, when Derek came storming out the OR almost knocking Meredith to the ground.

"Hey," she said stumbling a little.

"Sorry," he snapped not even looking round to see who he had hit.

Curious, she decided to follow him. She found him in the on call room, he had thrown the pillow from the bed against the wall, he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked softly closing the door behind her.

"Huh?" he said only just realising she was there.

"You almost knocked me down out there," she said.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, a little worried about you. What's happened, you were fine earlier?"

"I lost a patient on the table," he said.

"Sorry. But that is part of the job, it happens I'm sure you did all you could," said Meredith sitting next to him.

"It was a baby, a little boy. Just like Jack," said Derek and Meredith knew right away why he was so upset.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know. What happened?"

"His parents were big shot lawyers, the nanny dropped him, he got an aneurysm. He was 9 months old, and he died."

"Oh god," she gasped suddenly wanting to phone their nanny and check on Jack.

"I know, I couldn't save him. If that was Jack…."

"It wasn't though, he's fine. We searched for months to find the right person to look after him part time, nothing will happen to him…."

"You can't know that"

"No you're right, but that little boy isn't our little boy"

"Peter, his name was Peter. His parents haven't even flown in yet, can you believe that they haven't seen their baby in 3 weeks?"

"That isn't us, I see him every single day and you see him every chance you can," said Meredith.

"It's not enough though…….."

"Listen to me. You are a wonderful father, Jack adores you."

"He's just a baby"

"There is no' one in the world that I would want to be the father of my son, nobody because you are the best father anyone could hope for. I know you don't see him as much as you want to, and I know that that is my fault….I'm sorry but I want you to know that you can see him anytime."

"I know that," said Derek holding her hand, "You really think I'm being a good dad, because I have to admit I have doubts about it. I'm terrified I'll have to go away for a surgery again and he'll forget me," said Derek sadly.

"That will never happen, I know he's only a baby but he knows you are his Daddy and he has your picture next to his cot."

"Maybe I'm just being silly, but………"

"It's alright. I freak out too, I was in such a state about coming back to work. I still worry I'll turn into the sort of mother my mom was." Said Meredith "But I know now, that I can't control the future all I can do is try my best and do everything I can not to become my mother."

"I guess that surgery just affected me more than I thought it would. Baby surgeries always affect me, but this time is different I just….."

"It's different now, you're a dad," said Meredith then she looked down at her watch, "I gotta go I told Therese I'd be back early."

"Okay, tell Jack I love him"

"I will," said Meredith getting up and going to the door, before she had opened it Derek spoke.

"I love you, I haven't given up. I'm just giving you space, but don't for a minute think I've given up."

"I know, thank you," she said then whispered, "Love you too"

-----------------------------------------------

After his shift had finished Derek went back to his trailer, he thought about going to see Jack but it was past 8pm and he would be in bed.

Derek lay on his bed, on top of the sheets and stared at the ceiling thinking about the baby that had died. He had the television on but he wasn't watching or listening to it. Around 10pm there was a knock at the door. He pulled himself up and went to answer it.

And there was Meredith with a sleeping Jack in her arms.

"What are you doing here?" he asked surprised to see them.

"Can we come in?" said Meredith.

"Of course, sorry," he said ushering her inside.

"I thought you needed him, to see that he is okay. I didn't think you should be alone. But if you want us to go…."

"No, not at all. I'm glad you're here, I wanted to come by and see you both but…."

"Well we're here now." Said Meredith handing Derek the baby and taking off her jacket, "I'm going to go and get his things from the car"

"Alright and thanks. You're right, I do need you two tonight," he said.

"I know"

When Meredith came back in with the bag, Derek had taken Jack's jacket off and was holding him in his arms on the bed.

"Well don't you two look cosy," she smiled when she saw the two of them.

"We are," said Derek staring at the sleeping face of his son.

"Room for one more?"

"Of course," said Derek.

Meredith beamed and crawled onto the bed and snuggled into the other side of Derek.

"So what's on?" she asked looking towards the tv, "Oooooooh teleshopping"

A few hours later, Meredith looked up at Derek he was just watching her.

"I guess we better put him in his travel cot," she said.

"Yeah," he sighed, he loved having his family so close to him he didn't want to let go.

"You wanna get it, I don't know how it works," said Meredith.

"Okay," he said handing Jack to Meredith and getting up to set up the cot.

After Derek had put Jack down, he looked over to Meredith who was putting Jack's baby food in the fridge for the morning.

"I'll…uh sleep on the couch if…." He mumbled inarticulately.

"Don't be silly, the couch looks like hell to sleep on," said Meredith.

"Okay then, I'll…."

"….sleep on the bed with me, yes you will," laughed Meredith at how unsure he was.

"Okay, great," he grinned, "I knew you couldn't resist me for long"

"You wish," laughed Meredith.

"I know," he whispered into her ear, and grinned when he heard her gasp at little.

"Don't get any ideas, having sex with our son in the room could seriously cause him irreparable psychological damage."

"I wasn't suggesting anything dear," said Derek lightly kissing her neck.

"Hmmmmmm no come on you have to stop," moaned Meredith.

"Okay, I know I was just teasing," said Derek pulling away from her neck. He wrapped his arms round her waist and twirled her round to face him.

"You're evil,"

"I know but that's why you love me right?"

"No I love you for a lot of reasons, your evilness isn't one of them"

"Oh well, I'm a nice guy really"

"I know, but we both have work tomorrow so we need to get some sleep, so come on," said Meredith still not moving away from him.

"A goodnight kiss?"

Meredith just smiled, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a loving, lingering kiss. He had to pull away before things got too heated.

They both crawled into bed and cuddled in together without another word. Derek kissed the top of her head and they both slept better than they had in weeks.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

Meredith woke up at seven thirty as usual, and was surprised Jack wasn't up yet. She smiled when she realised that Derek was next to her, holding her.

"I know you're awake, you're not snoring," she mumbled.

"I don't snore," came Derek's indignant reply.

"You do," said Meredith snuggling deeper into his chest.

"Hmmmph," grumbled Derek pulling Meredith closer.

"Morning," she said turning in his arms and kissing him.

"Good morning to you too, and I must say you haven't greeted me in the morning like that in a while," said Derek looking down at her questioningly.

"You haven't been around in the morning for me to greet you like that," said Meredith deliberately avoiding the issue.

"Mer….." he started but was interrupted by Jack's cries. He sighed and got up and went over to Jack.

It was only then, when he was rocking Jack to calm him down, that Meredith realised he was only wearing boxers.

"What?" said Derek when he noticed Meredith checking him out.

"What? I didn't do anything," exclaimed Meredith.

"You have got to be kidding me!" he laughed.

"What?" huffed Meredith.

"You have that look"

"What look?"

"The 'I'm so horny' look"

"I do not"

"Yeah you do"

"Don't," said Meredith sitting up and crossing her arms.

"You can lie all you want, I know you want me," he said smirking arrogantly.

"What makes you think its you I want?" teased Meredith.

"I just know," he said kissing her forehead, "but like you said last night, having sex with our son in the room could seriously cause him irreparable psychological damage."

"I know, I didn't even say anything"

"You didn't have to"

------------------------------------------------

After they had dropped Jack off at Meredith's house with the nanny, Derek drove Meredith to work, since they were both working the same shift it didn't make sense to drive both cars.

"You won't leave us, I know that…well you might, but I know it will be if you know you don't love me or the relationship breaks down or……"

"I won't," he interrupted to stop her babbling.

"I know," she said, "I know, I should have known all along and it would have saved a lot of hurt and…"

"It's alright" he said.

"It's not," she said as Derek pulled into a parking space, in the hospital car park.

"It is really, I just want you to be happy, granted I'd like to be the one to make you happy. But take your time, cause we'll only get one more shot at this and it has to be right, so whenever you're ready I'll be here, I'll always wait for you," he said.

"Thank you," she said leaning in to kiss him.

"We…uh better go in," he said pulling away after a steamy make-out session.

"Yeah you're right."

-----------------------------------------

"Izzy have you seen Derek?" asked Meredith almost frantically towards the end of her shift.

"Uh….no I think he was with the patient in room 478 a little while ago. Why?" said Izzie confused.

"Because I love him, and I'm going to tell him" she said.

She almost ran to room 478, but he wasn't there. Disappointed she turned to look for him somewhere else, when like in a film, she saw him through the crowded open plan. He looked up and smiled his McDreamy smile when he spotted her. She just started to walk calmly towards him, not caring at all that almost all of the surgical staff were in the room, she walked up to, and stood in front of him.

"Hey, Mer…" he started.

Meredith didn't say anything she just pressed her lips to his. It was better than she'd imagined, so much more than she'd expected, kissing him and not having to worry about being seen, she didn't care any more. His kisses were soft, but insistent at the same time, pressuring her lips. Although he seemed to be unsure of how to be, he wasn't expecting to be kissing her in the middle of the hospital. Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck and placed his hands on her waist and soon they were, on her cheek and stroking her hair. Meredith gripped her arms around his neck and clung there, certain that if she let go, she would fall straight to the floor. She could feel his tongue running across her bottom lip as the kiss deepened, and she automatically opened her mouth upon his, not minding the intrusion in the least. He tasted like chocolate and coffee, a mixture that Meredith found intoxicating. She pressed herself against him harder, a groan escaping as his kisses became more impatient. Meredith held on to him for dear life.

They finally broke apart when the need to breathe became imperative. The second his mouth left hers, Meredith's heart dropped, a certain sense of loss settling over her. She stared at him, never loosening her grip around his neck. His eyes bored down on her, the colour much darker than she had ever seen.

Suddenly she heard the commotion, she looked round and realised all eyes were on them.

"Uh….you think they saw us," Derek whispered into her ear.

"I don't care," she said, pulling her lips down to hers again.

"Alright, break it up," she heard Bailey shout above the commotion, "If the attendings could keep their hands off my interns for a few minutes we could get some work done. Grey, hands off Romeo and go and check Mr. Foreman's stats."

"Okay," said Meredith removing her hands from around Derek's neck, but he kept his arms around her waist.

"Alright then EVERYONE BACK TO WORK!"

"I'll see you later," said Derek.

"Okay"


End file.
